Well, I was not really up for anything much last weekend – Miss Five Months has been keeping me up at night and prolonged lack of sleep is taking it’s toll on my ability to remain amiable and gracious.

I hate it when I have a bad attitude regarding DSS Master Four. I become very conscious of how unchristlike my attitudes and feelings are. I spent most of the weekend wrestling with my thoughts of negativity, and praying for God to help me show His love for DSS as I was feeling very little love towards him. I long for the day that I can look at DSS and love him for who he is, not look at him and see what he represents.

In the mean time, my Dear Mother-in Law has given me a scripture to hold on to, Matthew 25:40 “And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to me.'” While I continue to ask God to change me and my heart, I will endeavour to look at DSS and see Christ. After all, DSS is a child of God, created by Him and loved by Him, planned for a purpose and fearfully and wonderfully made.

I guess, not only that, but God is using DSS to complete amazing character transformation of both myself and DH. May my character be transformed quickly, and may I be open to the lessons I must learn, that my heart be not continually troubled fortnightly. I see DH growing as a father through his relationship with DSS and for this I am truely grateful to God.

I desire to feel real love and kindness to DSS, that the love of God might be shown to him and felt by him whenever he comes to us. He comes from an unchristian home and is living completely “in the world”. It is imperative that when he is with us, he comes into contact with the living Christ, that he might know that there is true love for him, not conditional, not manipulative, but that he is loved for who he is. This is what I desire to display to DSS.

I can identify with Paul as he wrote in Romans 7:22-23 “For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.”

I know that this journey is a continual healing/learning process and I share this only to encourage; that we are not bound to our emotions, which do not always speak truth, but we may overcome them through the love of Christ. That we may fulfill our role as ambassadors of Christ, bringing Him to all the children placed in our lives.

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