Pride. It’s ugly, and it comes in many forms, often subtly disguised as something else.

This post is a confession. I have recently finished the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan and found it to be a perfect articulation of all that has been on my own heart for the last couple of years. I highly recommend it and encourage all to read it, slowly and reflectively. There were a number of points made in the book that stirred my heart and caused me to again, examine myself.

I am a person who feels with all my heart, the call to forsake all that the world has to offer. Should my husband join me on this page, I would be ready to pack up, sell up, load up the kids and go wherever the Lord leads…even into the depths of a poverty ridden, oppressed nation, to minister to the needs of the people there. To risk all for the proclamation of my Lord’s name. But…my husband is not quite on this page, and when a shiny, big, fast, loud (in more ways than one, as you will see) tough, four wheel drive, became available, his eyes clouded over. This truck is the epitome of all that the world has to offer…and I hated the sight of it! Not only is it big and flashy, but as a result of this, it turns heads every where it goes.

Arrgghh! I am attempting to stand out from the world, forsaking all for my Lord and Savior, and now, I am forced (forced, because it is the only vehicle we have running at the moment) to drive around in, well…

Tonka Truck

Whenever a comment came, my answer was, “*eye roll* It’s my husbands…” and there were plenty of digs at his expense, it is pink after all! But the biggest slap in my face came when I jokingly (many a true word is spoken in jest) said to my dear Christian friend aka BB that “my humility can’t be seen in this truck!” At that moment, the true colour of my heart became evident. It was not about honoring God with my finances, or about forsaking the things of this world; it was about appearing to be humble. Yuck! Pride rears it’s ugly head!

That evening, I read a comment in “Crazy Love” which asked, “Is this the most loving way to do life?  Am I loving my neighbour and my God by living where I live, by driving what I drive, by talking how I talk?” This question hung in my heart even as I slept at night, and as I awoke, I realized, that it wasn’t the flashiness of the truck, or the (in my opinion) ill allocated funds it represented that was distasteful to God, but rather the pride in my heart and the disrespect and dishonor that I was showing my husband.

So…I repented and diligently, lovingly and carefully, (with a happy heart), washed and vacuumed out the “Pink Panther” as it has been fondly nicknamed by some.

As I drove around yesterday, I had men, on two separate occations, start up conversations with me about the ute. It occurred to me, that the attraction of the vehicle brings with it grand opportunities to share the Lord. Should my husband get instep with God (I am praying and watching the Lord work in him), he will find that the opportunities to share the Lord with men in particular, will come thick and fast! Hallelujah!

One never fully knows the Lord’s plans, and all things can be used for His glory if we allow it. I know for sure, that by refusing to listen to the Lord and obey his word (I was doing this by not submitting and honoring my husband in spite of my opinions) I was stifling the Lord’s work. We can disagree with our husband’s ideas, but we will quickly remove ourselves from the Lord’s good pleasure when we go against His instructions in His word. We can disagree, but we must still obey God.

Anyway, officially, publically, I am sorry to my Lord and my husband for my pride and dishonor. I post this as a reminder to myself, that God’s way is always the best way, and He can work in ways that we do not expect. One day, I may have the chance to literally forsake all for the work of the Lord, but I will not be able to do this, if I cannot even honor Him with what I have already.

May God continue to illuminate the things in my life that need repentance and I pray that the Holy Spirit guides me into all truth, that I may walk in the way of the Lord in all things.