Stepmother – I hate that word for it! There are certain connotations that go along with the term that conjour feelings of dread within me. Having had two stepmothers of my own who didn’t necessarily feel favourable toward me, I guess, doesn’t help.

I’m amazed at the myriad of emotions that surge through my body every fortnight when dear Master Four comes for his “contact” time with his Dad. The weekend usually leaves me feeling quite exhausted as I do my best to display a consistant level of patience and spread my attention evenly between, now four, little ones.

The most draining events occur, however, every time we need to “fight” again to spend time with Master Four. I know this process is always difficult but I think the system leaves a lot to be disired. We are still learning how the system works (or doesnt work).

I intend to share the ups and downs of stepmotherhood. Any encouraging advise is welcome – especially from experience; I’d love to know that I’m not the only one on this roller coaster!

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9 Responses to “Split Peas – Confessions of a Stepmother”


  1. I understand the trials of a blended family. My husband and I married when my children were 12 and 9. On the whole, we blended as if there was no ‘step’ involved. Fortunately, I was the only one who has the children, my dh never had children in his previous marriage (before he converted). When I say fortunate, I mean that adding more children into the picture would have added a few more challenges.

    We don’t like or use the word ‘step’ either. It has such a ‘blah’ feeling to it, along with the many unhappy stories you hear around.

    Master 4 is very blessed to have you married to his Dad though.

    How many children do you have of your own?

    I do thinks will get easier as the boy gets older.

    Bless you with your daily walk with Him, as a mum. 🙂

  2. fivepeasinapod Says:

    I have three of my own. My husband and I had a period of separation (two years) during which time master 4 came along. Prior to this time, we had our first son, who is now 10, and since our reconciliation we have had two more precious little blessings another son, 3 next month and at last, a daughter 8 months.

    One day I will write my testimony on here, in which this season of my life plays a big part. God is truely the restorer of family. I could never wish on anyone, the dark road that our marriage detoured down, but God returned us to His path by His amazing Grace. Not only that, but he has blessed us with beautiful children and a renewed love for each other – one that, I believe, could now withstand anything 🙂

    We don’t have master four living with us (he stays fortnightly, on weekends) but it has been getting easier with time. I always pray prior to his coming, that any burden he carries would be left at the gate. It saddens me the pressures placed on him when he is not with us.

    It is an ongoing journey and I have learned to thank God for giving me the opportunity to grow through this experience. It took a while for me to accept the consequence of our actions and the reaping what we sow law, but I know that despite our mistakes, God can use all things for the good of those who love Him.

    Thank you so much for sharing a little of yourself with me. 😀


  3. Wow! That is amazing testimony, in what you have shared so far. Interestingly, my children’s father (my ex-husband) was at one time interested in reconcilling. He never said it, but he hinted around it. He had also had a little girl in the time of our separation (and divorce).

    I had become a Christian after our separation, and he wasn’t one. And, I didn’t believe it was the Lord’s will to go back with him. But, I oftened thought about the unusualness of the situation if I did…. a child of his coming to visit us, etc, as you have described.

    I honestly believe you circumstances have produced the beautiful fruit that is so evident in your life… and you have a real relationship with Him… and if that is what had to happen to get where you are now, then it is so worth it. God is truly the rstorer of our lives, and your life, and family is proof.


  4. Hi,
    We also have a blended family. I was an instant mum to a 6 year old, when I married my husband. I was the tender age of 18.

    Together, DH and I have 4 children but we always say we are a family of 7- because in our hearts we are, even though we haven’t always had full custody of our (DH’s) son.

    Being a [step] mum has taught me a lot…enabled me to see life from a perspective that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have been able to see.

    Susan

  5. fivepeasinapod Says:

    Hi Susan,

    Thank you for sharing a little about yourself. I was 18 when I married my husband too! He was 19! Looking back, we were just babies… 🙂

    Learning to love in spite of “natural/selfish” feelings certainly builds ones character. At first I resisted, but we are begining to see the fruits of our labours of love. 😀


  6. Yes, that is young. I know I was young however my husband was/is 10 years older than me.

    But I wouldn’t do it any other way, even if I could. There have been hard times and times when I just wanted to run away…but God has used these things to draw me closer to Himself, so for that I must be thankful.

    Bless you!

  7. fivepeasinapod Says:

    The hard times we have been through have made our marriage what it is today…strong, complete, and grounded in truth and love.

    I am greatful that the Lord is the restorer of family, and mine is a testimony to His faithfullness.

    Have a blessed day.

  8. onestillblooming Says:

    Oh my! How your words ring true!! I also am a step-mom (or as we often refer to it–Bonus Mom!) I also home schooled my children. All the kids are now over the age of 21. I hope to post some of my blended family and home school escapade writings soon. I will definitely be praying for you!! Remember this investment you are making will have eternal dividends!! God bless you and may God quiclky bring an end to the fires!!

  9. fivepeasinapod Says:

    Thank you One Still Blooming! I look forward to reading all about your escapades! No doubt you have some wonderful insights to share.

    Thank you for taking the time to comment, and for your encouraging words.

    Have a blessed day.

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